


Never a Dull Moment

by Runemori



Category: Penny Dreadful (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Humor, M/M, Murder Mystery, Random facts intertwined with plot, Slow Burn, You might just learn something
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-08-31 11:47:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8577256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Runemori/pseuds/Runemori
Summary: Dorian Gray and Victor Frankenstein are roommates at the prestigious Atlantis University. They can't stand each other. That is, until bodies start dropping around them.





	1. Chapter 1

He was too sterile. Too clean, as the scalpel slid across the cadaver’s flesh. There was no pleasure, no rush of blood welling up in the fresh cut. He was too methodical, analyzing the slice like he was studying the rhetoric of a research paper. Dorian glared down from the viewing window above the autopsy room. His roommate stood below watching the pathologist make a Y-shaped incision on the corpse. How someone who was immortal and someone obsessed with death became roommates he will never know. He could probably figure out the university’s system for assigning roommates, sleeping with faculty tended to answer a lot of questions, but it honestly didn’t matter to him. Victor seemed enthralled as the pathologist pulled apart the skin and left the sternum bare for him to examine. She then walked to the corner of the room to retrieve a saw. Victor took a step closer and ran his gloved hand across the exposed flesh and admired how his fingers ran slick over the pale bone. Victor heard the pathologist plug in the saw and quickly removed his hand as she came back.  
Victor had gotten a job in the biology department of Atlantis University as an assistant to the woman who handled the storage and processing of cadavers for medical students. Victor claimed it had been for the money and job experience but Dorian suspected his roommate was simply intrigued by death. Weird, was the best way Dorian could describe him. Victor stared at the one thing almost all humans feared and took notes. Examined it, was fascinated by it. Dorian couldn’t blame him though, all humans die eventually and it is a natural thing to be intrigued by the end of existence. He shook his head and backed up from the viewing window, stealing one last glance at his roommate. If this was how Victor chose to spend his Friday night that was his business, but that didn’t mean that Dorian couldn’t have a little fun.  
Dorian walked along the sidewalk of the large university as shadows danced on the edges of his vision. The walkway was lit by streetlights but the grass and bushes remained cloaked in night. The campus was home to a number of wild animals, nothing too dangerous, though one time, 15 years ago an exchange student found a bear. Apparently, a serial killer had dumped a body on the edge of campus and the smell attracted it. But other than that, the most dangerous animals on campus were bunnies. Cute, little, fluffy- and that’s a snake. Dorian stopped to watch the black mass slither across the grass in front of him. It fascinated him to watch the undulating curves of its body. Most people were scared of snakes. They would flinch away if they were in his position, giving the creature a wide berth. But it didn’t bother him, to him the snake was graceful. Deadly, yet beautiful.  
Dorian made his way to the back of the library where he knew his friend would be waiting. They had a standing hook up every other Friday. Dorian opened the back door of the library, cringing as he heard it squeak loudly. He looked behind him to see if he was discovered but the night was still as it was before.  
“Dorian.” He heard from inside. He grinned and turned to look at his favorite ginger, smiling back at him in his long sleeve shirt and torn jeans.  
“Chekhov.” Dorian replied, closing the door behind him.  
“Oh, so now we are referring to each other by our last names, Gray?” The redhead chuckled taking Dorian’s hand and leading him to the restoration room.  
“Alright, ginger.” Dorian laughed following him. He glared at Dorian as he opened the double doors revealing a white room lined with filing cabinets and old manuscripts.  
“You know I have a real name, right?”  
“I know you do,” Dorian replied turning him around and pushing him against the doors with a thud, “Ignis.” Dorian purred into his ear.  
“You insufferable-” Ignis was cut off when Dorian began to nibble on his neck, “You should not be able to turn me on simply by saying my name.”

  
***

  
“Thank you for your assistance, Victor.” The pathologist said as she finished cleaning the saw.  
“You’re welcome Dr. Nathan,” Victor replied as he took off his gore-stained gloves and threw them in the biohazard bin, “I was wondering,” he added removing his lab coat and placing it on a hook, “You said that the body that was found on campus by that bear was brought here. Did you see it?” Dr. Nathan finished pushing the body into the compartment and turned to look at the student,  
“Yes, actually at that time the police outsourced autopsies to coroners at the university. I watched it.” The story of the bear and the body had become a bit of a legend on campus. There was very little left of the victim. His identity had never been established and nobody had been convicted of the crime. A bunch of ghost stories surrounded the woods where the body was found and even more Halloween pranks were played on unsuspecting freshmen.  
“You watched it?” Victor asked. He normally wouldn't pay so much attention to rumors and legends but there was a part of the story he had taken an interest in. Victor had heard that the corpse displayed evidence of electrocution and he was trying to compile evidence about the effects of electricity on a body.  
“Yes, I was the assistant to Dr. Pinnap at that time. He performed the autopsy.”  
“Do you still have the file?” He asked a little too excitedly.  
“You seem very interested in the legend.” Dr. Nathan commented as she removed her gloves and disposed of them. She eyed him, crossing her arms,  
“Why do you want to know? The Delta Beta fraternity house already stole it, are you working with them?” Victor was taken aback. He wanted to ask if he honestly looked like one of those frat assholes. And it was stolen?  
“I'm not.” He quickly defended. But he also wasn't going to tell her his real reasoning. She wouldn’t understand, “They stole it?” He asked genuinely concerned, he didn't trust that type of student to walk back to the dorm with him, let alone handle evidence in a murder investigation. Dr. Nathan sighed, and put her lab coat on the hook,  
“We in the biology department think so. They recently stated their Halloween event would be based on the legend, and around that time the file went missing.” They probably still have it. Unless they destroyed it. Victor thought as he pulled out his phone to check the time, 12:47am.  
“Is there an electronic copy?” He asked hesitantly, for a file 15 years old he knew the odds were slim, the university didn't start scanning files before 10 years ago, but he could at least ask.  
“No. Why do you care?” She replied still looking at him quizzically.  
“I should head back to my dorm. My roommate is probably worried about me.” He lied, Dorian couldn't care less about what Victor did. It made sense that they were roommates, they both did their own thing and genuinely didn't care about the other.  
“Alright, have a good night Victor.” Dr. Nathan said as Victor left the room. He could stand to be more polite, he knew that, but he was tired and needed to figure out a plan to get his hands on that file. He made his way back to the dorm and sat down at his desk. He pulled his notebook out of his bag and grabbed one of the pristinely sharpened pencils. Sketching the human musculature tended to calm him down and help him think. The facts and the structure of the body made him feel like the world at least had some order left in it.

  
***

  
Dorian looked at Ignis, he was sitting on the ground panting, the sweat still drying in his hair. He really was cute. While he preferred Ignis, everyone seemed to think the name Chekhov was cooler and all the other students and half the professors referred to him by that; it was easier to just go along with what everyone wanted. There were also significant benefits of being liked by most people, Ignis had learned that quickly. His charms had earned him a spot on the Atlantis University rifle team as well as an internship with the restoration section of the English department. Well that was only partly true, he got the internship because he was banging the department chairman, but he was still quite charming, in Dorian’s opinion at least.  
“By the way Dorian,” Ignis said standing up and walking over to one of the filing cabinets, “Professor Flora just translated a manuscript that talks about the Vatican.”  
“Oh?” Dorian asked looking over at him as he opened up the cabinet and retrieved a photocopy of the document. Ignis smirked eyeing the paper,  
“Lily had made a comment when we came to a section about Pope Pius the IX, and I wanted to know if it was true.” Lily was quite the character, rebellious and arrogant with a bite and something to prove. Dorian liked her.  
“She said that he chiseled the dicks off of a bunch of marble statues because he was scared that the sight of a penis would turn them on. Ironically, the only people who saw the statues would have been men.” Ignis added shaking his head at the page and handing it to Dorian.  
“It’s true, mostly.” Dorian snorted, “He didn’t actually chisel the penises off himself, but he did order people to do so. Did she mention that all the phalluses were saved and are kept in storage somewhere in the Vatican archives?”  
“The Vatican has a random box of dicks?”  
“The Vatican has a random box of dicks.”  
Dorian and Ignis both laughed.  
“You wouldn't believe it, but there is never a dull moment in that job.” Ignis shook his head as he took the paper and placed it back in its file.  
“Oh, I believe you. People are fascinating.”  
“You can never quite predict exactly what they will do,” Ignis paused, “or maybe you can. You’ve been around more than I have.” Dorian didn’t share his immortality secret with many people, he told maybe 15 over his life and no more than one person knew at a time. The fact that Ignis knew was an accident. He was careless. But it all ended well, Dorian thought looking at his friend. He wouldn't change a thing.  
Dorian waved goodbye to Ignis as he made his way back to the dorm. He suspected Victor would be back by now, but he doubted that he would be sleeping. Dorian unlocked the old door and made his way inside. Victor was still up, sitting at his desk, sketching the inside of a human torso in his notebook. Victor sighed and rubbed his eyes looking down. His eyes were fuzzy from staring at the book so long.  
Dorian wouldn't tell him to go to bed, Victor would just ignore him and do the opposite. He had to be more subtle. Dorian yawned loudly, stretching his arms over his head letting his muscles contract as his spine joints popped. He sighed, lowering his arms and letting his hair fall obscuring his eyes. It didn’t matter to Dorian when Victor went to bed. It wasn’t like he cared about this weak human. Dorian just simply preferred being around Victor when he had gotten sufficient sleep, he was much less grumpy. Dorian didn’t need to sleep, there were some perks of being immortal, but if Victor saw him relaxing, he was more likely to go to bed sooner. Victor was looking at him, dark circles ringing his bloodshot eyes. He would be a pain in the ass in the morning, and not in the fun way. Dorian brushed his hair out of his eyes. Victor was still watching him; he looked like he wanted to ask him a question. Victor put his pencil down and closed his book placing it in his backpack. Dorian wouldn't look at him, he needed sleep not knowledge and a question may take an hour to answer. The lights in their room began to flicker. He hated this building. Articles raved about how beautiful and advanced Atlantis University was but they still had their students in 50+ year old dorms with horror movie lights. The random flickering was ignorable once you got used to it. Then the creaky elevator that groaned and bumped, broke down for days at a time. But that became bearable too. Of course, it was at that point that the smoke detector in the hallway began to beep in the middle of the night. When the maintenance people came out to fix it they couldn’t reproduce the problem and left it as it was. Most of the students have accepted those things, he snorted disheartened. How do you boil a frog? Dorian walked over to his bed and sat down.  
“How can you sleep with the room this hot?” Dorian asked hoping to steer the impending conversation.  
“The temperature doesn't bother me.” Victor paused, “But I think the room has a fan you can turn on if you want.”  
Great, Dorian thought getting up and flipping one of the switches on the wall. The lights immediately went out.  
“How long have you lived here?”  
Dorian glared at where he thought Victor would be, his shadow backlit from the light of the window. He huffed, flicking the lights back on and hitting the other switch, hoping that one was the fan. Dust from years of disuse flew out of the vent above Victor causing him to cough. The particles swirled around the still blinking lights. Suddenly one of the lights popped showering yellow sparks down on the carpet.  
“Well then.” Victor chuckled still wheezing. Then one of the sparks caught. A small fire began at Victor’s feet. He took a step back as the smoke detector went off causing a loud blaring sound that echoed throughout the room.  
“We need to get out of here.” Victor stated shaking his head and looking at Dorian. Dorian was already halfway out the door.

  
***

  
“What do you know about the Delta Beta fraternity?” Victor asked standing next to his roommate. They were outside along with most of the other students shivering in their pajamas. We literally just started a fire in our room. The fire department is here, and he is worried about pledging some bullshit fraternity. My roommate is a fucking idiot.


	2. Chapter 2

“Victor and Dorian!” The hall director bellowed, huffing his way past the members of the fire department to stand right in Dorian’s face. He was red with anger. It would be funny if he kissed him right now, wipe that arrogant look right off his face.  
“You two will be expelled for this! You broke the sprinkler system and started a fire in your room, you know flammables are forbidden!” He roared turning his hatred towards Victor, scowling down at him.  
“We didn’t do anything wrong.” Victor insisted crossing his arms.   
“Oh, you didn’t do anything wrong? And how do you explain that a fire started in your room?” The hall director asked, his hands on his hips and words dripping venom. Well, Dorian thought, the couple in room 104 are selling weed. The 18 year old in 326 has an invariable liquor store in her fridge. The lacrosse star in room 116 is taking steroids from the punk kid in 201. The star student living in 413 is buying ritalin from the business major across the hall. And you, according to your girlfriend, have been using your administrative privileges to download and sell some of the teacher’s exams. No, Victor and he were clearly the worst people ever to inhabit the building. Everyone else was a saint.  
“Both of you head over to Campus Security.” The hall director growled, looking behind him to see the president of Atlantis University communicating with the head of the fire department, “I will deal with you two later.” He turned to leave when Victor asked,  
“And why would we do what you tell us? You clearly don’t like us and don’t have our best interest in mind.” Indignation and pure rage, that was the best way to describe the hall director’s face. He took a step forward looking like he was going to hit Victor. Victor stood toe to toe with the slightly taller hall director, glaring up at him. Dorian was impressed and quite proud of his salty roommate.   
“Hey!” They heard from behind them. The school president was walking towards them quickly, he looked pissed. Both turned to look at him.   
“President Pinnap.” The hall director stood straighter and offered his hand to the older man. Pinnap looked down then glanced at Dorian and Victor and crossed his arms,  
“What happened?”  
“Sir! These two-” the hall director started.  
“I wasn’t asking you, sycophant. You weren't there.” He snapped causing the younger man to flinch.   
“It is with my sincerest apology that I must inform you of my error,” Dorian replied elegantly, no hint of venom in his words, “I turned the fan on.” And there is the venom.  
Victor snorted, covering his mouth with his hand to hide his grin. Pinnap paused, surprise flashing across his face.   
“You- the... fan?” He asked, his face conforming back to his stoic and ‘stick up the ass’ look, “You should head to campus security. The officers will want to hear your story.”  
“See, I told you.” The hall director smirked at the two roommates. Victor looked like he wanted to continue the argument, but Dorian put a hand on his shoulder telling him to drop it.   
“Alright, we will be there.” Dorian said turning himself and his roommate towards the security office.  
***  
What a dick, Victor thought as he sat next to Dorian. The waiting area was covered in white laminate and the walls were decorated with school pride posters and safety tips. Always walk with a buddy. Don’t do drugs. Study! Ugh, the next thing they are gonna say is to, ‘Remember to wipe your vegetables and eat ass.’ Wait. Victor groaned rubbing his eyes and shaking his head. He was way too tired for this shit.   
A firefighter opened the door to the waiting room, emerging from the bowels of the building with one police officer and a campus security guard.  
“We need to ask you some questions.” The police officer said standing in front of the roommates.   
“Do we need a lawyer?” Dorian asked leaning back and crossing his arms. Victor glanced at Dorian but said nothing copying his pose. He hated authority figures, especially ones that abused their power. A leader should not rule by fear.  
“No,” the campus security guard replied quickly. He was used to interacting with college students and knew how they thought, “They just have some questions regarding the fire and the human remains.”  
“What?!” Dorian and Victor said in unison. Fire, sure, they knew about that, but human remains? The firefighter glared at the security guard. He looked back at her,  
“What?” he asked shrugging, “They would have found out anyway when they move back to their room.”  
“They aren’t going to be able to move back to their room, it’s a crime scene.” The firefighter spat back.  
“Well, it’s good to know that the people keeping us safe are doing a bang up job with keeping your information private.” Victor mumbled. Dorian looked at his roommate who was tucking his chin and glaring down at the linoleum floor.  
“What do you want to know?” Dorian asked looking at the officer. The police officer smiled pulling up a chair and sitting across from Dorian.  
“Just a few preliminary questions then you are free to go. I know you don’t want to be here.” Dorian nodded.  
“When did the fire start?” The officer asked. He seemed to mean well; but Dorian still didn’t trust him.  
“About the time the fire alarm went off.” Victor said under his breath so that only Dorian heard him.  
“It was around 2 am. But if you checked the fire alarm log you could find the exact time.” Dorian said hiding a smile.  
“Alright,” the officer said, making a note, “And how did the fire start?”  
“You could probably ask her.” Victor spoke up gesturing at the firefighter.  
“It started when I turned the fan on,” Dorian interjected, “It was the first time we ever used it.”  
“Did you notice anything with the lights?”  
“Oh nothing out of the ordinary,” Victor said shrugging, “They were blinking on and off like they always do. This was just the first time they decided to catch fire.” The officer glanced at the firefighter,  
“Our preliminary findings were consistent with that, but we won’t know for sure until the final report is in.” She added.  
“Ok, then I only have one more question for you: Did you know there was a body above the ceiling in your dorm room?” A body. But there was dust, not organs or blood that fell from the vent. He knew that while corpse ash was non toxic, bone dust could cause respiratory problems or spread diseases if inhaled, but he highly doubted anyone else googled that in their free time.  
“No. We had no idea.” Dorian answered shaking his head.  
“Bone dust can cause infections. We should go to the hospital.” Victor said matter of factly still staring at the floor.  
“We never said the body was mostly dust.” The officer noted. Victor glared at him,  
“The fire started due to ash falling from the ceiling and interfering with the circuitry of the old and out of code lighting. When the vent opened I could clearly smell decomposition along with the ash. I’m an assistant coroner at this University; I know what a dead body smells like. Now if you aren’t going to arrest us we need to go to the hospital and get checked out.” Victor growled standing and looking at his roommate who was sitting calmly and perfectly still. He looked like a Greek statue, perfect and beautiful, lost in thought and staring off into space. Doing nothing productive to get them out of here. Dorian sensed eyes on him and looked at Victor with a blank expression.   
“You’re free to go. I don’t have any further questions.” The officer said finishing his notes and putting the pad back into his pocket.  
“Good.” Victor replied gesturing for Dorian to follow. They walked to the door and were about to open it when the Hall Director stormed past them. He turned to look at them with an expression of pure contempt.  
“The uh, crime scene techs found no evidence that anyone was up in the crawl space above your dorm for several years. You two,” he shook his head avoiding eye contact, “are off the hook.”  
“Am I going to get a formal apology letter? You were quite a dick.” Dorian asked with a small smirk on his face.   
“No. You won’t.” He replied indignantly.   
“You are the hall director for the dorm with the body in it?” The officer questioned walking up to him.  
“Yes, and I’m only here because President Pinnap told me to say sorry, and I did so you both can fuck off now!”  
“Quite the temper on this one.” Victor mused crossing his arm.  
“And how long have you been the hall director of that dorm?” Dorian taunted mirroring Victor’s pose.   
“Longer than you have lived in it!” He bragged, “I have been the hall director for years.”  
“I wonder if he was around when the body was placed there?” Dorian pondered glancing at the cop.  
“I will need to ask you some questions mister…” the cop paused.  
“Spike Jones.” the hall director huffed, glaring knives at Dorian.  
“Mr. Jones. So how long exactly have you been hall director.”   
The roommates took that as their cue to leave and they quickly opened the door and began walking away from the security building. Dorian turned to Victor,  
“Do we really need to go to the hospital?” Dorian asked looking at Victor who was glaring at the night sky. He didn’t know what he was going to do. None of his family lived in state and he didn’t have any friends places he could go. This was the one occasion Victor wished that he had some social skills.  
“No. Well, probably not. If you start having problems breathing, yes. But otherwise don’t worry about it.” We have more important things to worry about. He wanted to add but stopped himself. Dorian was looking at his phone, the bright light casting shadows on his face and making it hard to see the darkness behind him. He put it up to his ear and waited.  
“Hey.”  
“Yeah, I know it’s not Friday. I have a favor to ask.”  
“Does everyone know we have a corpse in our ceiling?”  
“Look, can I crash at your place tonight?”  
“You are without a doubt my favorite person.” Dorian looked over at Victor who was watching him passively.   
“Did you need a place to go?” Dorian asked covering the mic on his phone. Victor nodded gloomily, he hated asking people for help and hated owing people even more.  
“Can my roommate come too?”  
“No not that type of come.”  
“I don’t think he would be interested.”  
“Thanks.” Dorian finished, hanging up his phone.  
“You can stay over too. We are going to my friend’s dorm.”   
“Thank you.” Victor mumbled as he followed Dorian to the other end of campus. The shadows cast by the moonlight were still creeping around and the sun had not yet shown its face, leaving the night free to continue her torment. It was late, or early, it really depended on how one defined such terms. He wasn’t scared of the dark he just hated not knowing. Not knowing if that rustling was from a lizard or a cobra. That shadow moving in front of him on the path, was it a cloud or was it a wolf spider. What if there was a person with a knife around that next building? No it was just a tree.   
Victor was a rational individual, logical, and thoughtful. Perhaps it was evolution to blame. Afterall, it was the paranoid man who didn’t get eaten by the lion. Humans are programmed from birth to fear the dark. To fear what lurks in the shadows simply because it is unknown. Victor smiled to himself. Wasn’t that the opposite of what he was doing? Studying death. He was looking into the void, examining its swirling blackness, nothingness. It was a dull ache gnawing at the back of his mind, his everything, and the everything of all humans. Inevitability.   
“We’re here.” Dorian announced as he strolled up to the buzzer. He hit the button marked 609 and waited. The lock clicked open and Dorian walked inside, holding the door for Victor. Six flights of stairs totaling hundreds of steps and every landing covered with trash and vomit. Thank goodness there was a working elevator.   
Dorian rapped on the wooden door leaning in close to the peep-hole. It opened revealing a red haired boy in a long white t-shirt. He looked tired, with dark rings under his eyes and a phone in his hand.  
“Ignis.” Dorian smiled walking past the red-head and plopping down on a lumpy looking couch. The room was about the size of Dorian and his room, and it looked like this guy had a single. There was only one bed. Beside it was a messy coffee table with papers and books strewn across. A large TV took up another portion of the room facing the couch that Dorian was currently lounging on like he owned it. Ignis closed the door behind Victor and gave a half-hearted wave to the two. Victor coughed,  
“Thank you for letting us stay here for the night.” Ignis shrugged,  
“What are friends for?” He looked at Dorian who was staring at the ceiling seemingly oblivious to the other men, “Anyway, I’m Ignis.”  
“Victor.” He nodded, glancing at Dorian. He didn’t know this person and yet he was in his room at who-knows-o’clock.   
“You have, um, a nice room.” Victor tried, that was what people said when they entered someone’s living quarters right?   
“Thanks,” Ignis replied crossing his arms, ”I like it.”  
“Well you live here. I should hope so.” Victor mumbled. People didn’t say things like that. He shouldn’t have. They stood next to each other awkwardly for a few seconds before Ignis walked over to a closet and pulled out two blankets. One he sat down on his bed, the other he opened and threw on top of Dorian's head. Dorian flinched and ripped the cloth off throwing it on the floor and looking at Ignis indignantly.   
“What?” Dorian grumbled.  
“Here, Victor you can sleep on the couch. Dorian can I talk to you outside?” Ignis asked gesturing at the door.  
“Oh sure.” Dorian replied getting up and walking towards the door. He looked over at Victor who was glaring at him.  
“What?” he asked.  
“Nothing.” Victor sighed picking the blanket off the floor and removing his shoes. He turned to Ignis, “Thanks again.” Ignis smiled,  
“No problem, any friend of Dorian is a friend of mine.” Dorian opened the door and held it open looking at Ignis. “Make yourself at home.” Ignis finished, following Dorian outside.   
Victor sighed laying down on the couch. He didn’t realize how tired he was. The couch didn’t look that comfortable but now he felt like he was going to pass out any second. He wanted to fight it, plan how he was going to get his books from his dorm. But this was so, comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Dorian’s question: How do you boil a frog? Is a reference to the anecdote stating that if you threw a frog into boiling water it would jump out but if you put a frog in cold water and slowly increased the temperature to boiling it will not perceive danger and be cooked to death.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this! I can't promise when I will update this with my own (admittedly less exciting) college work. But I have something the resembles a plan for this story. Hit me up on my [Tumblr](zenpwnforthewin.tumblr.com) if you want to talk. I promise I don't bite.


End file.
